Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Positive News

I had a CT scan last week and got the results Monday (10/26). There are no new tumors and the liver lesions are shrinking. I will continue on the same treatment until my liver is clear. One thing that stood out in the report was the word "faint." Last New Years Eve, the report showed multiple liver lesions on the right lobe, the biggest being 11 MM. On Monday, the report read, "faint" lesions. I'm hoping that the next report will read, "unremarkable" which means no evidence of disease. I always thought "unremarkable" meant something negative, but when you have cancer, that word is golden.

I'm learning more about metastatic breast cancer every day. My oncologist tells me that I will probably not be cured, but the disease can be managed. Once my liver is declared "unremarkable" I can go on a different treatment plan. Maybe Tamoxifen, maybe chemo every three weeks instead of every week. I'll have periods when the disease is very under control, and then there may be other times when I have a "flare up" and I have to go back in treatment. Several years ago, stage IV metastatic breast cancer was pretty much a death sentence. Now people like me can live many years and keep the disease under control. It's really amazing.

I pray for strength and good health every day so I can stay in treatment and keep beating this. Without God, I wouldn't be here. Prayer and faith have gotten me through this year.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Hello Vanity

I knew I would have these feelings eventually...I miss my old body. I feel petty because I'm so thankful that I'm getting better. However, jealousy and anger creep in at times. Don't get me wrong - I wasn't totally buff and hot before I got sick, but at least I had both breasts and looked normal - yeah, there's that word again, haha. Anyway, me and my husband went out to dinner last night and two really attractive women came into the restaurant as we were finishing our dessert. They were wearing tight shirts and short-shorts. Both of them had the type of body that can get away with that kind of stuff. I rolled my eyes before I could even control myself. My husband quickly made fun of their hair saying that "the eighties called and want their hair back..." My husband always knows just what to say to make me laugh, even if it's mean, haha.

I had another "episode" a few weeks ago when we went to the JC mall. I used to LOVE going to Victoria's Secret. Their "Body by Victoria" bras are awesome. Well, all I wanted to do when I walked by was gripe about how much space one stupid store took up in the mall, and did they really have to take up a whole corner and most of the adjacent hallway? I quickly turned that anger around by getting an email ready to them regarding putting "pockets" in some of their bras. Some women like to add extra padding to their bras to get the push-up effect. If the pockets were made big enough, I could put my prosthesis in and wear my favorite bras again! I wonder how they will respond to my suggestion? Maybe it will be a big hit!

Oh well, for the most part missing a breast isn't really a big deal. I don't even notice most of the time. When I'm well enough, I may not even go for reconstruction. I may just have the other one removed and then I won't need a bra at all. Hmm, that might be a good thing!! :o)

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Getting Stronger Every Day!!

I see my oncologist or nurse practitioner every few weeks, usually before chemo. Once a month, they check my tumor marker number. Well, on Tuesday it was 41!!! I feel better all the time and I know I'm going to beat this. I will not let cancer get to me no matter what. The power of prayer is amazing. If anyone out there feels alone or worries that God has forgotten them, never fear! God is always there - watching, protecting, and loving. Trust in Him completely and great things will happen.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Good News

Very encouraging news! I had a CAT scan a few weeks ago, and I'm still improving. My tumor marker number is also down to 57 - normal people are usually around 38 and below, so I'm on my way to "normal" haha. I will continue on the same treatment for now.

I'm back in the office every day except for chemo days. I promised myself that I would go back to the office when I could walk using a single point cane. I've been on the cane for a few months now. I'm hoping that in a few more months, I'll be able to walk without any help. I'll get there!

Me and my husband are also going to New York to visit his family next week. It will be my first road trip since September. I'm so ready.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Updates - Good News

Well a lot has happened since my last post. First, the really good news: I had a CAT scan at the end of April and it showed that the chemo is still working. The liver lesions are continuing to shrink "significantly" according to the report. My tumor marker number is also down to 70.5 (it was over 400 in November). I'm very happy and thankful for this news!!

Next, the good, yet slightly painful news. I've been in physical therapy since January and have worked through a lot of pain to get up on my feet. I made some great progress but some time between my February and April scans, I fractured my leg. I have no idea exactly when or how, but my oncologist suspects that it's a combination of the disease and the radiation that weakened the bone. I was referred to an orthopedic surgeon and he immediately checked me into the hospital for surgery. I had a rod and two screws put into my leg, and it already feels much stronger. I still have the staples in my incisions so I'm pretty sore.

I'm really excited about getting up on my feet again. I've tried to be really positive throughout this whole experience, but for the first time since January, I feel very confident that I'm going to get better. I think that God has a plan for me and is making me stronger every day for a good reason. I'm going to keep praying and thinking positive thoughts.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Just Say It Out Loud

I don't go out too much for a few reasons. One reason is because I don't want to expose myself to yucky germs while I'm doing chemo. Another reason is I'm still building up the muscles in my leg and right now, I'm getting around with a walker. My oncologist wrote me a prescription for a four-point cane so hopefully, I'll be strong enough to get on it soon. My physical therapist is going to help me practice with it next week. Well, when a thirty-something reasonably healthy-looking woman is on a walker, people ask questions. I don't mind being asked questions because generally, people mean well and they are very kind. Since my diagnosis though, I've said "I have cancer" out loud maybe three times. Last week my husband took me out to dinner for our anniversary and the restaurant owner wanted to know what happened to me. At first I just joked that I had a bad leg. Then she asked again what happened, so I just said it - "I have cancer." She was very sweet and told me that she would pray for me. I thanked her and told her that prayer had gotten me through it so far, and that my treatment was working. It sounds so strange to say those words.

Most of the time, I don't even feel sick. If my leg wasn't messed up, I would feel totally normal. I'm very thankful that I've felt good through all of this. I can't help but fantasize sometimes that it's all just a big mistake. I wouldn't be mad or sue the doctors if it did turn out to be a mistake. I've learned a lot from all of this and I think I've become a better Christian because of it. I know that's silly because it's definitely real. Blood work and scans don't lie.

I went to my first breast cancer support group meeting last month, so I'm sure they can all relate to my feelings and help me work through them. Overall, I'm in good spirits and I really believe that God has a special plan for me. I think I'm going to beat this! I should probably just say it out loud more often though. Maybe by talking about it more, I won't be so freaked out by the way it sounds.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Hair You Take for Granted

I've adjusted to losing my head hair. I'm actually enjoying the low maintenance of it. However, I didn't realize I would lose my eyelashes and eyebrows. I must say that it's just plain weird-looking, haha. I went out with my family yesterday; they are really cool about wheeling me around the mall in my chair. :o) I always wear makeup and my wig when I go out so I will look "normal." Well, the wig pretty much matches my old hair style, so my bare brow area is covered by the bangs. However, the lack of eyelashes is just weird! I attempted to put on mascara and I swear, I have about five eyelashes on each eye - not enough for mascara, haha. So I guess I don't look "normal" anymore, even with a wig and makeup. Oh well, I'm still thankful that my treatment is working and that I feel good. If I have to go through a period of time without eyelashes, I can deal with that! :o)

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Good News!

Today's doctor visit went well. My CAT scan results were very encouraging. My lungs and abdomen are clear. The lesions on my liver are also shrinking. I still have spots on my bones, but in a few months I'll have another bone scan to see how things are going there. My leg is feeling better so I feel good about it. I'll continue on the same treatment as long as it keeps working. I'm thrilled! The power of prayer is an amazing thing! I think it's important to trust modern medicine as well, but without God giving me strength, I wouldn't have made it this far.

I'm still doing PT too. I'm making progress, but it's slow. I tried to rush it a few weeks ago and strained myself, so now I'm just doing a little at a time. I'm just so excited about walking, I want to do it now! Actually what I really want to do is ride around the block on a bike. When I was a kid, that's all I did all day long. If things keep going well, me and my husband are going to buy bicycles and go riding togther.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Scan Time

Well, I had my CAT scan this morning at 9:00. This scan is to determine if my current chemo treatment plan is working. I sure hope it is. We will find out Thursday so I'll post an updated blog then. Please pray that we get some good news. I'm not expecting to magically be all better, but I would at least like to hear that it's working and that it hasn't spread any further. I'm praying all the time.

Here is some encouraging news. In November, my tumor marker number (determined by blood work somehow - I still don't totally grasp how it works) was over 300. On February 1 my number was down in the low 100's. That has to be good. The nurse practitioner told me she thought it was a good indication that the treatment was working. I'm so ready for some good news! I hope that Thursday's post is a really happy one! :o)

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

PT Updates and a Few Random Thoughts

My physical therapy is going great. I can feel my leg getting stronger every day. In fact, I walked into chemo yesterday with my walker. We left the wheelchair at home! Around the house, I'm still alternating between the chair and the walker, just to ensure that I don't overdo it.

I'm really getting used to this bald thing too. Every night in the tub, all I have to do is shampoo my head and dry it lightly with a towel. It takes about one minute. A few months ago, I was so obsessed with having the perfect color and highlights. I also spent about twenty minutes every morning straightening it. Never again! After chemo, when my hair comes back, I'm keeping it short. :o)

I have another scan scheduled on the 22nd. I should find out about a week after the scan if this new chemo regimen is working. Let's pray that it's doing some good. I feel great, so I think that's a good sign.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Physical Therapy - More Good News

I started physical therapy for my leg last week. My first visit was pretty much just questions and answers, and some simple exercises to determine my current strength. The physical therapist said that I was stronger than she anticipated, which made me feel really good! My second visit was all exercise and I was able to do all them! I'm really hopeful that I will be out of my wheelchair in a few weeks. I also have exercises to do at home so I can continue building my leg muscles. Yesterday, I took some baby steps with the help of a walker. Yay!! Hopefully in a few weeks I'll be blogging about walking either with a cane or on my own. That's what I'm praying for.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Good News

Last week, I had an X-Ray on my leg (the cancer is in my left femur at the joint). I've not been able to walk without a lot of pain, so I'm in a wheelchair. Well, yesterday at my dr appt/chemo treatment, I learned that my leg is not any worse and I will start physical therapy next week. Hopefully I'll be up walking and out of my wheelchair really soon! Yay!

I've taken my good health for granted for so long, it's amazing how many "little" things I miss. Here is small list of some of those little things:

*Steps - Thankfully my house is all on one level. There are two steps going into the garage and my husband and brother-in-law built me a ramp. God bless them!

*Anything not on the bottom shelf in the kitchen if pretty much off limits. Thank God my husband is a good cook and very picky housekeeper. He's done pretty much everything around the house since my surgery.

*Sleeping on either side is impossible. My mastectomy was on the right side, and my bad leg is on the left, grr. So I have to sleep on my back.

*Turning corners - I have to laugh as I write this because I'm already very ungraceful. Watching me try to turn a tight corner and bumping into the walls is pretty funny.

*Going to the bathroom - I won't get too graphic on this one, but having a raised toilet seat has helped A LOT!

I've promised God that if he heals my leg, I will praise Him for every step I take. I will never take good health or the ability to walk for granted ever again! :o)

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Cancer is STILL Not a Death Sentence

No matter what happens, I'm not giving up and I'm not going to stop fighting. On New Year's Eve my oncologist called me to come to his office. I knew the news had to be bad or he would have told me over the phone, right? Well, it was bad. Not only did I learn that my chemo wasn't working, I was also told that the cancer had spread to my liver. Scary stuff. My husband was with me and we just looked at each other, stunned. Other than my left leg not working well (I'm getting around in a wheelchair right now) I feel great. I was sure that the treatments were working.

However, my oncologist is still optimistic and immediately planned for a new combo of chemo drugs. I started them the following Monday (1/4). My next chemo treatment is tomorrow. Thankfully, breast cancer gets lots of attention and funding, so there are many treatment options available. Please keep me in your prayers. I believe in the power of prayer and God is the supreme physician. My oncologist is also a very positive and aggressive doctor. I'm thankful that he is committed to making me better. Please pray for him as well. Hopefully the combination of prayer and meds will make me cancer free. I hope that a year from now, I will be healthy and I can tell my story to others struggling with this awful disease.

Thanks for reading. I'll keep you posted on my progress.