Super Duper Extra Bad News

I'm not sure how many times I can title these blog entries "Bad News" "More Bad News" and so on. So, since I'm worse than ever before, I'm titling this one appropriately. Last Thursday, my onco went over my scan results with me, and once again, the disease is spreading. My liver and lungs are worse, I have some lymph nodes involved in my abdominal area, I have a little fluid around my heart, and my liver is slightly enlarged. Oh, and my hemoglobin fell to 7.5. So right after our appointment, I went to the cancer center for two units of blood, and to start a new chemo drug (Halaven).

Yes, I'm definitely upset and scared. But it's kinda weird because I've felt pretty calm this week, overall. I'm in some pain, but not as much as I thought I would be, considering how much disease I have in my body. I had an explosive cry Thursday when I got home safely and had the house to myself. I took Friday off from work because I just wasn't ready to face anyone or talk about it yet. The chemo made me feel nauseated the day after treatment, but by the weekend, I was craving good food again. The two pints of blood also put some pep in my step.

So here's how it's going to go. I had one treatment last week, I get one tomorrow, and I will have next week off, then start all over. I still do not plan on giving up, period. God is in control and His plan and timing are perfect. His plan may be to bring me home to be with Him and my loved ones may never understand why. Then again, he may take me all the way to edge, and then pull me back. I'm going to keep praying for peace, comfort, and miracles.

To anyone who is reading, this is extremely important. You will never see a "farewell" message from me on the blog. I will fight until I take my last breath. If I die, don't ever say that I "lost" my battle with breast cancer, and don't let anyone else say it. I win, no matter what. If I live, I get to see my niece and nephew grow up and I'll do whatever God wants me to do, wherever He wants me to do it. If I die, I will be in my Heavenly home, at peace with no pain and no cane! Just keep on praying.