I'm not sure how many times I can title these blog entries "Bad News" "More Bad News" and so on. So, since I'm worse than ever before, I'm titling this one appropriately. Last Thursday, my onco went over my scan results with me, and once again, the disease is spreading. My liver and lungs are worse, I have some lymph nodes involved in my abdominal area, I have a little fluid around my heart, and my liver is slightly enlarged. Oh, and my hemoglobin fell to 7.5. So right after our appointment, I went to the cancer center for two units of blood, and to start a new chemo drug (Halaven).
Yes, I'm definitely upset and scared. But it's kinda weird because I've felt pretty calm this week, overall. I'm in some pain, but not as much as I thought I would be, considering how much disease I have in my body. I had an explosive cry Thursday when I got home safely and had the house to myself. I took Friday off from work because I just wasn't ready to face anyone or talk about it yet. The chemo made me feel nauseated the day after treatment, but by the weekend, I was craving good food again. The two pints of blood also put some pep in my step.
So here's how it's going to go. I had one treatment last week, I get one tomorrow, and I will have next week off, then start all over. I still do not plan on giving up, period. God is in control and His plan and timing are perfect. His plan may be to bring me home to be with Him and my loved ones may never understand why. Then again, he may take me all the way to edge, and then pull me back. I'm going to keep praying for peace, comfort, and miracles.
To anyone who is reading, this is extremely important. You will never see a "farewell" message from me on the blog. I will fight until I take my last breath. If I die, don't ever say that I "lost" my battle with breast cancer, and don't let anyone else say it. I win, no matter what. If I live, I get to see my niece and nephew grow up and I'll do whatever God wants me to do, wherever He wants me to do it. If I die, I will be in my Heavenly home, at peace with no pain and no cane! Just keep on praying.
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You are the strongest person I have ever had the privelege of knowing. Cancer is not going to have a chance with your kick ass, take no prisoners attitude.
ReplyDeleteAmy, I was just thinking the same thing that Val said. You are one fantastic person and you are definitely in a win/win situation. Either way it goes, you are a winner. I will, however, pray it goes the way where all your friends and family win, too. I don't know you except on Facebook but we are related however it be distant. Your grandfather and my father were 1st cousins so I fell like I have a stake in your recovery! I am praying for you like never before. You kick butt, you hear???!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou do win. It's all transitions. How we handle the transitions is up to us.
ReplyDeleteLove, Tommy
Amy keep that fighting spirit!!!!!!! Like you said you are a winner either way but I'm praying you kick cancers butt so you can be here with your family alot longer. I love you my friend and I miss you. Life has a way of separating people (moving and just general everyday tasks) but I want you to know I think of you often. Jacey has a way of bringing out memories in me. She will ask about when I was in school and it never fails that you are brought into the conversation somehow. Love ya and miss ya!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteAmy,
ReplyDeleteI am so proud to know such a beautiful women, who has the will to never give up and has such faith in God.
Amy, your ending in this update is powerful. As you know, I'm a huge advocate for breast cancer awareness and to "hear" you say you don't want anyone to consider your battle lost simply puts things in a perspective at a whole other level.
ReplyDeleteI'm rooting for you... go, fight, win!