It's Only Breast Cancer

This post may get a little rough so you have been warned. I get tired of people assuming that just because breast cancer is common and gets tons of attention, research and funding, that everything will be okay. Recently, I’ve even seen posts in social media that focus on more rare cancers, and some of them have taken jabs at pink or pink ribbons. I can only speak for myself on this, but after almost 4 years of battling this evil disease, I can say without a doubt that there is nothing easy about this experience. I could easily bullet point everything that I’ve been through but it would take up a lot of space, so I’ll spare the readers. But just because BC has tons of treatment options (and I’m thankful for that) it doesn’t mean that the options are easy, or that they will even work. I put on a strong face because frankly, it makes me feel better to try to be as normal as possible. But under the wig, makeup and stuffed bras, I’m disabled, not too attractive, and in pain. The barbaric mastectomy doesn’t end breast cancer when the disease is already metastatic. I have the disease in my liver and bones and I feel some pain somewhere on my body (sometimes in several areas) every single day. If science has its way, I will die. Generally, people with metastatic BC live between 2-3 years, so the fact that I’m still here is a miracle that I praise God for every day, sometimes many times a day.

I’ll be honest. When I was first diagnosed, I thought that it would be easy. Lots of celebs have had it and did fine. I figured I would have the mastectomy, get a little chemo, wear a pink baseball hat for a few months while I got my hair back, and then get on with my life. I never imagined that I would be sitting here writing this, almost 200 chemo treatments later, with hair that hasn’t been more than an inch long in three and a half years, walking with a cane after two hip surgeries… but I said I wasn’t going to bullet point my woes, so I’ll stop. My previous blog entries have detailed my challenges so people that are reading know what’s going on.

I think that whether you have breast cancer or cancer of the pinky toe, it’s important to remember that cancer is cancer. It’s all bad and scary, stage 0 to stage 4. There is really no need to blast one cancer to boost your spirits about your own battle. We all need to pray that God bless the doctors and scientists looking for new treatments and a cure. Without God carrying me through this, I would either be dead or want to be dead. I can’t survive a single second without Him. I have a lot of weak moments and even jealous moments, particularly when I see people with horrible attitudes get completely better while I’m still struggling to keep my head above water. But I just keep praying, and I will pray about this, so I can let go of the anger, and replace it with positivity.