More Treatment

Effective yesterday, I'm back in weekly treatment. I don't get scanned again until April, but my tumor marker just keeps climbing. Right now, it's in the high 600's. Kinda scary. So the doc changed my chemo drug to Gemzar, and I'll be getting it every week for 3 weeks, and then have one week off.

So far, I feel pretty good. Honestly, I do better with weekly treatment in every way. In January 2010 when I started weekly treatment because I had disease in my liver, within a month and half of starting the treatment, my tumors shrank and my tumor markers fell. Then again about a year and a half ago, when I started back on weekly treatment after a short break, my tumor markers fell drastically again. I also physically feel better on weekly treatment. Both times I've been on the "every three week" regimen, I felt like I was blasted and felt like crap for 2-3 days. On the weekly treatments, I feel a little weird the day after, but I'm still functional.

I also told the doc about exercising and trying to strengthen my leg and the rest of my body. I need to continue doing it, but the chemo does slow down muscle growth. So I'm just going to have to keep pushing and be even more patient. I feel much better when I exercise, so that's a plus. At least I don't have to make myself do it.

Although I'm disappointed that my TM doesn't want to come down and my bones don’t want to get better, I am not going to let this get me down. According to the doc and nurse practitioner I saw yesterday, Gemzar is powerful and the drug of choice for pancreatic cancer treatment. If it can shrink tumors associated with pancreatic cancer, then I have a good feeling that it will work for my cancer too. I’m also no longer doing the Neulasta. The bone pain was just too much. I promised the doc that I would take super good care of myself so he stopped it, thank goodness!

I pray for God's perfect will to be done in my life, but I also pray for total healing and miracles. I ask God to use me to do His work and to lead me in the right direction. It may be a contradiction to say "please work your perfect will in my life..." and then ask for total healing, but I'm human. I think that as human beings, we all want to hold on to and fight for our earthly lives. I want to see my niece and nephew grow up. I want to outlive my parents so they don't have to face the pain of losing a child. I want to sit on the porch in my rocking chair next to my sister when we are in our 80's and gossip about people we know. I want to hold John's hand when it's his turn to be sick. I have a lot to live for, and I'm never giving up. I'll fight until I take my last breath. I've even joked with the doc that my last words will probably be, "...but I feel fine..." LOL.