My Wonderful Pets

I’ve always been an animal lover. When I was a kid, my parents had to watch me very closely because I would run up to any animal with open arms. When I was four, I approached a huge dog with a bad temper and got a nasty bite on my forehead. The scar still glows pink whenever I cry or over-exert myself. Even a bad experience didn’t stop me from loving animals, especially dogs.  

In October 2002, I got Peyton, my Shih Tzu dog. He has been absolutely precious from day one. He’s very cute, cuddly, and extremely tolerant. Whenever I am sitting or laying down, he’s right beside of me, as close to me as he can get. When I get up to walk around, he’s right behind me. If I don’t hear the “tap tap tap” of those little nails on the wood floor, I get worried and wonder where he is.  

In the Fall of 2003 (I can’t remember the exact month/day), I got Shelly my cat. My former manager gave her to me because Shelly was not meshing with the other cat in my manager’s house. I remember bringing her home in her carrier and sitting her on the bed. I just opened the door and let her come out on her own.  As soon as she came out of the carrier, we bonded and we’ve been big buddies ever since.  

My pets have been very entertaining and comforting for me over the years. They’ve been with me through divorce, moving, re-marriage, and sickness. When me and John went on our first official date, he met my pets and I told him point blank “love me, love my pets…” He was raised around dogs, so he bonded with both animals, Shelly first. Peyton was a little more protective and guarded regarding me, but after a day or two, he warmed up to John and learned to trust him. 

Peyton just turned 10 and Shelly turned 9 in June. I know that technically, they are both considered “seniors.” It scares me to think about that because they are with me all the time, so I know I’ll be lost for awhile when their time comes.  

Tuesday night while I was at my breast cancer support group meeting, Shelly got very sick. John called me in a panic and said that every breath was difficult and she was making weird hiccup noises. Well, Shelly is very hairy and sheds a LOT, so at first I just brushed it off as a hair ball. However, when I got home and saw her, I knew right away it was no hair ball. She could barely walk and she was so weak. She never lets us carry her for longer than 30 seconds, yet she let John carry her and hold her. We decided to take her to the vet. We called ahead so they would be expecting us. They met us at the door and took her back immediately. They said that she was in severe respiratory distress and that cats do not handle breathing trouble very well. They said she might not even make it through the night. They took chest x-rays which revealed several lesions on Shelly’s lungs. My heart sank. All the stupid cancer crap that’s been going on with me hasn’t been enough?? Now my poor helpless cat has it too?? We were devastated.

Yesterday morning, we brought her from the emergency vet to our regular vet, who consulted a veterinary oncologist at UT in Knoxville. My vet kept her all day yesterday and medicated/observed her. The vet onco at UT read her x-rays and told my vet that he was very confident it was NOT cancer. In fact, they really are not sure what those spots are. They are mineralized, almost like bone and could be scar tissue. The vet said there was a very remote possibility that Shelly had bone cancer and that it had metastasized to her lungs, but the x-rays showing her bones don’t support that theory. So he diagnosed her with asthma and said that Tuesday night’s episode was a severe asthma attack. If we hadn’t gotten her to the emergency vet when we did, she would have died. So now, she’s on steroids and antibiotics. She’s feeling much better.  

I was fully expecting not to bring Shelly home from the vet yesterday. I thought for sure that the onco vet would come back with a cancer diagnosis. I had already made up my mind that I would not put her through any harsh treatment. She was suffering so badly Tuesday night that we almost authorized the emergency vet to put her to sleep. However, I wanted our regular vet to see her and give his opinion. I’m so relieved that she does not have cancer and as long as she lets me give her the meds, she can survive a long time with asthma.  

People that don’t have pets probably won’t understand this post and may even roll their eyes. That’s okay. I know that animals are not humans and losing a pet is certainly not the same as losing a human family member. But pets are loyal companions that love their owners unconditionally. My pets have been so therapeutic for me, especially since I’ve been sick. I know that someday it will be their time to pass on. But for now, I’m enjoying every minute I have with them.

Weak Moments and Time to Think

I'm on medical leave from work to recover from the hip surgery, so I've had lots of time on my hands. While that can be a good thing (time to watch favorite shows and movies, pay bills, hold my dog, etc), it can also be a bad thing. I think about everything that can go wrong. What if I get blood clots in my leg because I'm sitting more? What if my length difference comes back for some weird reason? What will I do if the PT doesn't work and I never walk correctly again? What if next month's scan shows new tumors and I have to go back to chemo after almost 6 months of freedom? If I do have to go back to chemo, what if it doesn't work and I die this time? Then I just have to calm down and remember that God is in control. Nobody is guaranteed the next minute, no matter how healthy they are. We have to live for now and appreciate every bit of time we are given.

About three and a half years ago, I was really burnt out at work. I was almost at the point of applying for jobs in totally different fields with other companies, just to get out and have some change. I prayed and asked God, "What is my purpose in life??" It seemed that all I ever did was work, eat, and sleep. All I did during that time was complain about how stressed I was. My family relied on me a lot as well, so one night, in a moment of anger and frustration, I vented to my husband. I said that I would be screwed if I got sick, because I took care of everyone, and nobody would ever step up to help me, and they never helped me anyway. This rant was untrue, but in fits of anger, we often say things that are mean and false. I also joked with a co-worker that a medical leave might be fun if we could choose an easy illness like a broken leg - yes, I actually joked that being on medical leave for a broken leg would be fun. Scary isn't it?

Not long after my angry tirades and multiple jokes about going on medical leave for an "easy" broken leg, I got my breast cancer diagnosis. I never imagined that breast cancer would break my leg and cause 3 years of drama. Things went from bad to worse to horrible in a matter of weeks. By Christmas 2009, I was bedridden and in constant pain. Suddenly, a little work stress or helping a family member didn't seem so bad. All of my independence was gone and I had to rely on someone else for everything, even getting a glass of water. I went from being almost completely independent and in control to being helpless and terrified.

Over the past 3 years, I've learned to focus on the good stuff. If I have a stressful situation in my life or at work, I say a prayer and just do my best. It's so much easier to hand things over to God, rather than stewing over situations that can't be helped. I hate cancer and wish I would have never gotten sick. However, it's been such an eye-opener for me. I feel closer to God now than ever before, and my personal and professional relationships are much more positive. I've also learned to appreciate every little thing, like being able to take a shower without help, and walking to the kitchen to get my own drinks! Trusting in God always pays off. My glass is not half full. It's running over!

More Setbacks, More Blessings

Warning, this is a LONG post. There are lots of updates! Over the past few months, I’ve experienced some setbacks, but there have been blessings with each of them.  

First Update – My Leg:

My blog posts are never complete without an update or complaint about my leg. After the mastectomy in May, I decided to go back to PT to get my leg into shape. The PT recommended that I go back to my orthopedic surgeon for x-rays, just to ensure the hardware was in the right place, doing what it was supposed to be doing. So in June, I had x-rays and learned that the screw in my hip had actually moved. This was not the surgeon’s fault or defective hardware. The ball of my hip was simply too weak from disease to support the hardware, and the screw moved from the center of the bone to the top of the bone. The ortho surgeon told me that no PT would help me at this point and the only way to achieve quality with my leg was to remove all of the old hardware (the rod in my femur and the screws in my hip and knee) and have a full hip replacement. So he referred me to a surgeon in Kingsport who specializes in weird bone injuries. 

 

Second Update – My Teeth:

I’ve never had fabulous teeth, but since I’ve had cancer, I’ve been on bone strengthening meds. You are not allowed to have dental work while on bone strengthening meds because of rare but super serious side effects that can cause your jaw bone to break down. I’ve been off the bone meds since January 2012 so I can have a few things done while I’m on chemo break. Since I needed to get dental clearance for my hip replacement surgery anyway, I made an appointment. About 5 years ago I had a root canal and crown on one of my molars. The dentist discovered that the root canal failed and the only option for the tooth was to have it extracted. While the dentist was looking at the x-ray he saw a shadow, so he did an orbital x-ray of the whole mouth/neck area. So for about ten minutes, I thought that maybe my cancer had spread to that area of my mouth. I was terrified. Thank God it was just a pocket of infection. After a round of antibiotics, I was able to have the crown removed, and the tooth extracted. This delayed my surgery for a while, but it was worth it to get the tooth taken care of. Once I’m completely healed, I can get a bridge or an implant to replace it.

 

Third Update – My Dad:

My dad went to his doctor in July and learned that he had a defective heart valve.  So me, mom, and my sister went with dad for his heart catheterization test. They checked him into the hospital on Wednesday July 18 and determined the same day he needed a new aortic valve AND triple bypass. So they scheduled my dad’s surgery for Friday July 20. During this time, everyone’s plans and lives pretty much stopped. We were worried and scared for him. After spending 6 hours in surgery, the heart surgeon told us that it was a success. So we went home to nap and clean up. A few hours later, the surgeon called my cell phone and said they were rushing dad back to the OR because he was bleeding and they could not figure out why. It turns out that one of his bypasses sprung a leak and he lost almost 3 pints of blood. After a few scary hours, he was transferred back to the cardiac ICU. By Sunday, July 22, dad was transferred to a normal room and he spent the next few days resting and healing. They released him on Thursday July 26. He is still recovering, but he’s getting a little stronger each week.

 

Fourth Update – The Hip Replacement Surgery:

After my dad’s surgery and my dental drama were over, I was finally able to get my doctor/dental clearances in to the specialty ortho surgeon and get my hip surgery on the calendar. It was on August 17. I’m thrilled to report that I have pretty much all of my length back in my “bad” leg. There may end up being a slight length difference, but an insert in ANY pair of shoes will do the trick. No more specially built up shoes for that leg, yay! The surgeon told me that I have a cobalt chrome hip replacement and that it has the same probability of breaking as a bowling ball. That sounds good to me!

The first week after surgery was horrible. I had 46 staples in my leg, starting at my butt and going almost to my knee. Every move I made felt like the skin was ripping. In the hospital the first time getting out of bed was excruciating. I also lost a lot of blood during the surgery, so I needed some blood transfusions before they would release me. I was released on Monday August 20. Once I got home, I could not take a shower because I couldn’t get the staples wet. I had a hard time sleeping at night because I’m not allowed to sleep on my side for 6 weeks. So the first week was full of pain, swelling, and awkward moving. My husband had to help me dress /undress, and get into/out of bed. So the first week was depressing and frustrating. When I wasn’t totally drugged on Percocet, I was crying and worrying.

The second week was much better. I still had staples for part of the second week, but once I had my follow-up appt and had them removed, I felt much better.

I’m now in the third week and home health PT is helping me learn how to walk normally again. It’s going to be a long process, but I’m slowly improving. I just have to keep on working on it, and I have to remember to be patient.

 

Blessings:

It’s been a crazy summer, but I’ve been reminded over and over again that God’s timing is absolutely perfect. In May, I went to the same PT as my sister because she talked about how great he was. If he hadn’t suggested that I go back to the ortho surgeon for x-rays, I probably wouldn’t have thought to do it. So I owe him big time! If I hadn’t had dental drama, I may have been in the middle of my own surgery and recovery when dad had his heart drama. I wouldn’t have been able to visit him or be there for him at all. If I had gone to my ortho surgeon for x-rays during chemo, I would have had to wait for the hip surgery anyway. Being on a chemo break has allowed me to heal without weirdness. I’m almost completely healed already, so hopefully there won’t be a year of gauzing up my leg like the last time.

I learned some pretty amazing news regarding the cancer at my follow-up appointment too. They sent the damaged hip ball that was removed to pathology after the surgery, and there was no cancer on it. Typically, spots on the bones do not go away. This is a miracle. When I learned the cancer had spread to my bones, the hip area was the worst spot. Now, almost three years later, pathology says that they don’t see any cancer.

I feel very blessed. Even with all the weirdness this summer, everything has just fallen into place and worked out perfectly. God is always right here, wrapping His arms around me during the scary times, and holding my hand during the good times.