Blessings

God always hears and answers our prayers. We just don’t always get the answer we want, when we want it. God’s purpose is not for our instant gratification. His plan is perfect and we are on His timeline. It’s hard to remember that when there are hard times and pain.

When I was first diagnosed, I prayed that I had caught the cancer early. I hadn’t. When I had radiation on my leg and had to be in a wheelchair because of severe inflammation, I prayed every day for the pain to go away. It didn’t. When I prayed that the chemo was working to get the cancer under control, the cancer spread more. When I prayed that physical therapy would get my bad leg back in shape, my leg broke and I needed emergency surgery. After the surgery, I had to go back to chemo immediately, and my largest surgical incision re-opened. I prayed for the incision to close quickly. It stayed open for over a year. During all of this, I developed severely dry eyes and almost went blind in my left eye from a corneal ulcer.

Looking back at all the weirdness and setbacks, I have to remember blessings with each one. I’ve met a lot of wonderful people in chemo. Throughout chemo, I’ve been able to eat anything I want. Having a bad leg has helped me to slow down and learn to depend on others. My eye troubles taught me to get my eyes checked every year, and not to write off symptoms as “just normal side effects.” When my liver had several tumors, I never felt abdominal pain or had abnormal liver panels. While my hip incision was open, I never had an infection. I try to remember all the scary times whenever I feel sorry for myself. God is always with me, no matter what.