I haven't posted a health update in awhile. Honestly, sometimes I'm afraid to say good stuff out loud, which is probably silly. I don't believe in "jinxing" myself. So here it goes.
I had a scan in at the end of March and it showed clear organs and stable bone mets. So for 2 full months, I've been on a chemo break. My schedule is full too. I'm catching up on all the things that I couldn't do while in chemo: dental work, more intense physical therapy for my leg, and another mastectomy.
Having my other breast removed was my idea. Although the breast was healthy, let's face it: breasts come in a set. You either have two, or you have none. Back in October 2009, it crossed my mind for about 2 seconds to have them both removed at the same time. However, at the time, things were moving so fast and the situation was pretty dire. In a way, I'm glad I didn't have them both done at the same time. The right breast removal was a radical mastectomy and required more recovery time. It was also my first hospital visit ever, and frankly, it was not fun. I didn't realize that anesthesia made me throw up non-stop, so that coupled with two drain tubes instead of one would have stunk. Plus, mobility in my arms is limited for about two weeks post surgery. It's nice to have at least one good arm. So even though I needed an extra surgery, I guess I don't regret waiting until a few weeks ago to have the left breast removed. I'm going back to work this week, and I'm really excited! I've had my fill of internet, reading, and watching The Cooking Channel. :o)
As far as treatment goes, I'm on Arimidex, a daily pill. I'm also taking Zoladex, a monthly shot. So far, the only side effects are hot flashes. I had those the whole time I was in chemo, so it's not a big deal. However, these two drugs have officially put me into menopause. I've not had a period since Christmas 2009, but knowing that my child bearing days are truly over and I'll never have a biological child bothers me a little. As soon as I knew I had metastatic disease, I realized that I would never have a baby. After more than one hundred chemos, having a baby probably wouldn't have been good for my body anyway. Plus, who knows if the kid would have weird issues, like an extra ear or 6 toes on each foot, haha. I know I'm just being silly, but I have to keeping laughing. It's good therapy.
Still, I can't help but think of something my mom has said many times. She's always been very vocal about how happy she is to have two daughters, which makes me feel good. She always makes it very clear how much she loves me and Cat, and that she would be so lonely without us. Again, I appreciate that my mom loves me so much and I love her too. She has a good heart. But it still makes me wonder - if I live to be an old woman, will I be all alone? I pray every night that God heal my body and use me to do His work. Well, what if He says yes to my prayer and I out live everyone? Do I really want to be the last one standing? My grandmother (mom's mother) was 92 when she died. She was the oldest of 5 kids. She outlived them. She buried her mom, dad, stepmom (who was younger than her), and husband. She outlived at least 3 pastors that she wanted to preach her funeral - she made her funeral plans a looooooong time before she died. I'm sure she had plenty of sad times with all of the losses she experienced, but she was tough.
When I start thinking too much, I just pray and try to remember that God is control, not me. Frankly, I'm glad I'm not in control. It's too much pressure! No matter what happens, I plan to fight until I take my last breath. I'm thankful for every day and try to live my life as normally as possible. God's plan is perfect, so I'm excited about the future, no matter what happens.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Friday, June 1, 2012
Blessings
God always hears and answers our prayers. We just don’t always get the answer we want, when we want it. God’s purpose is not for our instant gratification. His plan is perfect and we are on His timeline. It’s hard to remember that when there are hard times and pain.
When I was first diagnosed, I prayed that I had caught the cancer early. I hadn’t. When I had radiation on my leg and had to be in a wheelchair because of severe inflammation, I prayed every day for the pain to go away. It didn’t. When I prayed that the chemo was working to get the cancer under control, the cancer spread more. When I prayed that physical therapy would get my bad leg back in shape, my leg broke and I needed emergency surgery. After the surgery, I had to go back to chemo immediately, and my largest surgical incision re-opened. I prayed for the incision to close quickly. It stayed open for over a year. During all of this, I developed severely dry eyes and almost went blind in my left eye from a corneal ulcer.
Looking back at all the weirdness and setbacks, I have to remember blessings with each one. I’ve met a lot of wonderful people in chemo. Throughout chemo, I’ve been able to eat anything I want. Having a bad leg has helped me to slow down and learn to depend on others. My eye troubles taught me to get my eyes checked every year, and not to write off symptoms as “just normal side effects.” When my liver had several tumors, I never felt abdominal pain or had abnormal liver panels. While my hip incision was open, I never had an infection. I try to remember all the scary times whenever I feel sorry for myself. God is always with me, no matter what.
When I was first diagnosed, I prayed that I had caught the cancer early. I hadn’t. When I had radiation on my leg and had to be in a wheelchair because of severe inflammation, I prayed every day for the pain to go away. It didn’t. When I prayed that the chemo was working to get the cancer under control, the cancer spread more. When I prayed that physical therapy would get my bad leg back in shape, my leg broke and I needed emergency surgery. After the surgery, I had to go back to chemo immediately, and my largest surgical incision re-opened. I prayed for the incision to close quickly. It stayed open for over a year. During all of this, I developed severely dry eyes and almost went blind in my left eye from a corneal ulcer.
Looking back at all the weirdness and setbacks, I have to remember blessings with each one. I’ve met a lot of wonderful people in chemo. Throughout chemo, I’ve been able to eat anything I want. Having a bad leg has helped me to slow down and learn to depend on others. My eye troubles taught me to get my eyes checked every year, and not to write off symptoms as “just normal side effects.” When my liver had several tumors, I never felt abdominal pain or had abnormal liver panels. While my hip incision was open, I never had an infection. I try to remember all the scary times whenever I feel sorry for myself. God is always with me, no matter what.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Good News
I had a scan at the end of January and got the results last week. My organs look great, including my liver. Everything was "unremarkable" and "clear." Very good words in scan world. Last year, my liver was clear for the most part. It seemed that every other scan, one of the liver lesions would show its ugly head again. But this time, I got the all clear! Of course I still have bone mets and probably always will. But the bone mets that the scan could see are stable.
My doctor wants me to stay in chemo until my next set of scans (probably end of March or April) because my tumor marker number keeps going up. Thankfully in January, it only increased from 163 to 166. So I'm hoping that the next few months of chemo will make it fall. However, if my next scans look as good as January's, we are going to talk about taking a chemo break. Yay!
My doctor wants me to stay in chemo until my next set of scans (probably end of March or April) because my tumor marker number keeps going up. Thankfully in January, it only increased from 163 to 166. So I'm hoping that the next few months of chemo will make it fall. However, if my next scans look as good as January's, we are going to talk about taking a chemo break. Yay!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
My Vitamix
All of my friends, family, and co-workers have been subjected to my dramatic and energetic raves about my Vitamix. All you have to do is mention it to me, and I will start talking non-stop about how the Vitamix changed my life.
The Vitamix is a kitchen appliance that looks like a blender. However, it's so much more than just a blender. It can crush a whole container of ice in 3 seconds. It can make smoothies, soups, dressings, milks (from nuts, rice, sesame seeds, etc), nut butters, hummus, and flours from grains.
Before my cancer diagnosis, I never struggled with health issues or weight problems. I ate anything and everything that is gross and bad for you. If the food was drenched in gravy or butter, I would eat it. I hated most vegetables and refused to even try new food that might be good for me. Shortly after my diagnosis when things seemed to get worse, I continued to eat badly. As hopeful as I was trying to be, I honestly thought I would die soon, so I ate whatever I wanted. After I broke my leg and had surgery, my health started to improve. I decided that it was time to make some major changes in my diet.
I found the Vitamix ad by accident in one of my food magazines, and I was instantly intrigued. The $500+ price tag was not attractive though. I wouldn't even consider spending that much money so I put the idea of buying one out of my head. A few months passed and I was struggling through trying to get my daily required fruits and veggies. In fact, I was failing miserably. I desperately wanted to do better, but I just felt overwhelmed. So I went back to the Vitamix website and bought the machine. After all, I pay good money for Clinique skin care and Bare Minerals makeup. Why not buy a machine that is going to help me make healthier meals for me and my husband?
After the machine arrived, I read the instruction manual, watched the DVD, and scanned the cookbook that came with it. I tried something easy first: a strawberry smoothie. I was amazed at how quickly the blender processed all the ingredients; it even pulverized the little seeds on the strawberries! I drank the smoothie and loved it. After that, I decided to move on to veggies. I got brave and tried a "green smoothie" with bananas, pineapples, and spinach. Much to my delight, I couldn't even taste the spinach.
After a few months of fruit smoothies with "hidden" veggies, I decided to try soup. I've read that broccoli is a cancer fighter, so I tried a broccoli soup recipe. I steamed a head of broccoli for 8 minutes, and then placed it in the machine. Then I added chicken broth, cheese, and a little milk. I was a little squeamish at first, but I loved it!
I've had my Vitamix almost a year, and here is the best part about it. Although I still drink my smoothies every day, I actually crave whole veggies now. I still like to make my broccoli soup, but now I can eat steamed broccoli straight up. Tonight, I made kale salad and ate two helpings! I don't feel like I have to "hide" the veggies as much as I used to. If someone had told me a few years ago that I would be eating more fruits and veggies and less nasty food, I would have laughed out loud. The bottom line is, if I can do it, anyone can do it. I was the ultimate junk food junkie. I don't have a doubt that better eating habits have helped me tolerate the chemo better, and given my immune system a boost.
If you want to buy a Vitamix, I would recommend buying one from their website (www.vitamix.com) so you can have the full warranty, just in case something goes wrong. Mine performs just as good today as it did on the first day I got it, but you never know. Also be sure to use code 06-007846 to get free shipping (a $25 value).
The Vitamix is a kitchen appliance that looks like a blender. However, it's so much more than just a blender. It can crush a whole container of ice in 3 seconds. It can make smoothies, soups, dressings, milks (from nuts, rice, sesame seeds, etc), nut butters, hummus, and flours from grains.
Before my cancer diagnosis, I never struggled with health issues or weight problems. I ate anything and everything that is gross and bad for you. If the food was drenched in gravy or butter, I would eat it. I hated most vegetables and refused to even try new food that might be good for me. Shortly after my diagnosis when things seemed to get worse, I continued to eat badly. As hopeful as I was trying to be, I honestly thought I would die soon, so I ate whatever I wanted. After I broke my leg and had surgery, my health started to improve. I decided that it was time to make some major changes in my diet.
I found the Vitamix ad by accident in one of my food magazines, and I was instantly intrigued. The $500+ price tag was not attractive though. I wouldn't even consider spending that much money so I put the idea of buying one out of my head. A few months passed and I was struggling through trying to get my daily required fruits and veggies. In fact, I was failing miserably. I desperately wanted to do better, but I just felt overwhelmed. So I went back to the Vitamix website and bought the machine. After all, I pay good money for Clinique skin care and Bare Minerals makeup. Why not buy a machine that is going to help me make healthier meals for me and my husband?
After the machine arrived, I read the instruction manual, watched the DVD, and scanned the cookbook that came with it. I tried something easy first: a strawberry smoothie. I was amazed at how quickly the blender processed all the ingredients; it even pulverized the little seeds on the strawberries! I drank the smoothie and loved it. After that, I decided to move on to veggies. I got brave and tried a "green smoothie" with bananas, pineapples, and spinach. Much to my delight, I couldn't even taste the spinach.
After a few months of fruit smoothies with "hidden" veggies, I decided to try soup. I've read that broccoli is a cancer fighter, so I tried a broccoli soup recipe. I steamed a head of broccoli for 8 minutes, and then placed it in the machine. Then I added chicken broth, cheese, and a little milk. I was a little squeamish at first, but I loved it!
I've had my Vitamix almost a year, and here is the best part about it. Although I still drink my smoothies every day, I actually crave whole veggies now. I still like to make my broccoli soup, but now I can eat steamed broccoli straight up. Tonight, I made kale salad and ate two helpings! I don't feel like I have to "hide" the veggies as much as I used to. If someone had told me a few years ago that I would be eating more fruits and veggies and less nasty food, I would have laughed out loud. The bottom line is, if I can do it, anyone can do it. I was the ultimate junk food junkie. I don't have a doubt that better eating habits have helped me tolerate the chemo better, and given my immune system a boost.
If you want to buy a Vitamix, I would recommend buying one from their website (www.vitamix.com) so you can have the full warranty, just in case something goes wrong. Mine performs just as good today as it did on the first day I got it, but you never know. Also be sure to use code 06-007846 to get free shipping (a $25 value).
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Tips for People in Chemo
I’m a huge proponent of modern medicine. While I think that it’s a miracle from God that I’m still alive and feeling good, I also believe that God is the reason we have doctors, researchers, and drugs that work, and He wants us to take advantage of them. When I say my prayers, I pray for the doctors and scientists out there looking for a cure for cancer and other devastating diseases.
When people think of chemo, usually the first two things that come to mind are baldness and nausea. Losing hair and feeling nauseated come with the territory, but there are lots of other weird side effects of chemotherapy. I’ve been in treatment for over two years now, minus a three month break in Summer 2011, and there are things that I’ve seen and felt that I never imagined would happen.
Here are some things that I have done that have really helped me get through chemo. I’ve been very blessed with good health throughout my treatment. Since I started chemo, I’ve been in the hospital once, and that was for my leg surgery. I think that some of the habits I practice below have played a big part in why I’ve stayed healthy. I hope this helps anyone out there who may be struggling through treatment.
Drink, drink, drink.
The best things to drink are filtered water, decaf hot tea (green tea is best), unsweetened iced tea, and 1% or skim milk (I can’t take skim, but 1% is pretty good). I always keep my favorite “fizzy” drink on hand too – I like Coke. I try not to drink more than 8 ounces of Coke a day because of all the sugar. I like coffee with cream too, but I try to keep it down to two cups in the morning. It’s important to drink LOTS liquid because even though chemo works and I’m thrilled that it’s available to me, it’s still poison. You need to keep your system flushed out. It also helps your skin, which can get very dry during treatment.
I try to drink more water than anything, but sometimes, it can be tough when I’m nauseated. Lemons can help the water taste better and settle on my stomach easier. If you don’t eat lemons fast enough to keep fresh ones, you can buy a product called “True Lemon.” It’s dehydrated lemon powder with no sweetener. It tastes just like a fresh lemon in your water. Some people actually prefer this over fresh lemons, especially in restaurants where you aren’t sure where the lemons have been before they touch your glass. You can find “True Lemon” on discountcoffee.com or amazon.com.
Eat, eat eat.
Again, this is challenge sometimes. I went through a period when my whole mouth felt like it had been shaved. That’s the only way I know how to describe it. I was sensitive to heat, spices, and worst of all, Coke! Even minty gum was about impossible. Even if all you can stand is a bowl of cereal, eat it several times a day to sustain yourself. I lived on scrambled eggs and soup for awhile when I struggled with mouth sensitivity. I love Campbell’s soup. Some criticize the salt content in it, but sometimes salty stuff can really curb nausea. Just experiment and don’t give up! There is something out there for everyone.
Wash!
Of course it’s a no-brainer to keep your hands clean. However, cleanliness should be a whole body experience. I take a shower every night before bed time. I don’t care if I’m nauseated, or if my leg is acting up. I drag my tired butt to the shower every night and lather up from head to toe. It’s especially important to wash the skin over your port if you have one, especially on chemo day when it’s been accessed. While it’s completely under your skin, I still think it’s important to keep that area clean.
I also moisturize from head to toe when I’m finished in the shower. This is difficult on evenings when I’m really tired, but so worth it. Chemo has made me dry all over , skin, eyes, nose, throat, everything. So moisturizing is very important, even though it takes more time.
Ask questions.
When I went through the mouth trouble, I just assumed that I would have to live with it, so ate a lot of popsicles and drank mild cold drinks like tea. However, when I mentioned the issue to my oncologist, he prescribed something called “magic mouthwash.” This prescription has 5-6 ingredients and is compounded fresh at the pharmacy. I know for sure that my formula had Maalox and a little Benedryl in it. I’m not sure what else was in it, but I could take a drink of it and then eat Indian food afterwards. Good stuff.
Another yucky side effect I’ve had is ugly finger and toe nails. One of the nurse practitioners recommended brushing tea tree oil on my nails. It whitened them up a bit and while they still don’t look great, they are better than they were. You can find this at GNC or Sally beauty supply stores. I’m sure Wal-Mart has it too. Wal-Mart has everything!
I’ve also struggled with sensitivity to band-aid adhesives. Once I pulled a bandaid off of an injured finger and the skin came off with it. A nurse introduced me to wipes called “Skin Prep” (can be found on Amazon.com). You wipe over the area of skin that will have tape on it, and the bandages and tape peel off very easily, leaving your skin irritation-free.
Be nice.
Keep in mind that you will see your doctor, nurses, and admin assistants a LOT. The experience is so much easier when you are nice. There have been times when I’ve had to wait a long time, especially at treatment. But treatment isn’t just walking into the cancer center and getting my drugs. They have to take my blood, send it to the hospital lab to ensure my counts are good enough to get chemo. After my blood work comes back, they fax the results to my oncologist across the street. He has to sign an “ok to treat” and send it back to the cancer center. So my appointment may be at 1:00, but actual “treatment” may not start until after 2:00. A lot of it is a waiting game, so you have to be patient. Cancer is the scariest, worst thing I’ve ever faced, but it doesn’t give me the right to be an asshole to anyone. The nicer I am, the better my experience is.
Be a warrior.
This may make you eye-roll, but I’m almost euphoric on chemo days. Before each treatment I say a prayer and ask God to bless the meds as they go into my body so they will kill the evil cancer. Then I ask Him to bless my body so it can accept all the meds. I try to go into each treatment (73 chemos and counting) with the attitude that it’s killing my cancer and that I will not let cancer take me. I think that my Christian faith has gotten me through this. Without God, I wouldn’t still be alive. I would either be dead, or want to be dead by now.
There are times when I have to make myself think positively, but I think that a good attitude goes a LONG way. You have to believe almost to the point of delusion that you are going to get better. I read all the stats from the American Cancer Society about stage iv breast cancer and they are not good. After reading it carefully, I threw that shit in the trash. No need to dwell on what could happen. I have to focus on what’s happening right now.
If your doctor is not encouraging enough, dump him/her. My oncologist has never told me I’m going to die, and he’s never given me the “You have _____ months to live…” speech, even when things were really bad. I don’t have an expiration date. God is in control and none of us is guaranteed tomorrow, no matter how healthy or careful we are.
When people think of chemo, usually the first two things that come to mind are baldness and nausea. Losing hair and feeling nauseated come with the territory, but there are lots of other weird side effects of chemotherapy. I’ve been in treatment for over two years now, minus a three month break in Summer 2011, and there are things that I’ve seen and felt that I never imagined would happen.
Here are some things that I have done that have really helped me get through chemo. I’ve been very blessed with good health throughout my treatment. Since I started chemo, I’ve been in the hospital once, and that was for my leg surgery. I think that some of the habits I practice below have played a big part in why I’ve stayed healthy. I hope this helps anyone out there who may be struggling through treatment.
Drink, drink, drink.
The best things to drink are filtered water, decaf hot tea (green tea is best), unsweetened iced tea, and 1% or skim milk (I can’t take skim, but 1% is pretty good). I always keep my favorite “fizzy” drink on hand too – I like Coke. I try not to drink more than 8 ounces of Coke a day because of all the sugar. I like coffee with cream too, but I try to keep it down to two cups in the morning. It’s important to drink LOTS liquid because even though chemo works and I’m thrilled that it’s available to me, it’s still poison. You need to keep your system flushed out. It also helps your skin, which can get very dry during treatment.
I try to drink more water than anything, but sometimes, it can be tough when I’m nauseated. Lemons can help the water taste better and settle on my stomach easier. If you don’t eat lemons fast enough to keep fresh ones, you can buy a product called “True Lemon.” It’s dehydrated lemon powder with no sweetener. It tastes just like a fresh lemon in your water. Some people actually prefer this over fresh lemons, especially in restaurants where you aren’t sure where the lemons have been before they touch your glass. You can find “True Lemon” on discountcoffee.com or amazon.com.
Eat, eat eat.
Again, this is challenge sometimes. I went through a period when my whole mouth felt like it had been shaved. That’s the only way I know how to describe it. I was sensitive to heat, spices, and worst of all, Coke! Even minty gum was about impossible. Even if all you can stand is a bowl of cereal, eat it several times a day to sustain yourself. I lived on scrambled eggs and soup for awhile when I struggled with mouth sensitivity. I love Campbell’s soup. Some criticize the salt content in it, but sometimes salty stuff can really curb nausea. Just experiment and don’t give up! There is something out there for everyone.
Wash!
Of course it’s a no-brainer to keep your hands clean. However, cleanliness should be a whole body experience. I take a shower every night before bed time. I don’t care if I’m nauseated, or if my leg is acting up. I drag my tired butt to the shower every night and lather up from head to toe. It’s especially important to wash the skin over your port if you have one, especially on chemo day when it’s been accessed. While it’s completely under your skin, I still think it’s important to keep that area clean.
I also moisturize from head to toe when I’m finished in the shower. This is difficult on evenings when I’m really tired, but so worth it. Chemo has made me dry all over , skin, eyes, nose, throat, everything. So moisturizing is very important, even though it takes more time.
Ask questions.
When I went through the mouth trouble, I just assumed that I would have to live with it, so ate a lot of popsicles and drank mild cold drinks like tea. However, when I mentioned the issue to my oncologist, he prescribed something called “magic mouthwash.” This prescription has 5-6 ingredients and is compounded fresh at the pharmacy. I know for sure that my formula had Maalox and a little Benedryl in it. I’m not sure what else was in it, but I could take a drink of it and then eat Indian food afterwards. Good stuff.
Another yucky side effect I’ve had is ugly finger and toe nails. One of the nurse practitioners recommended brushing tea tree oil on my nails. It whitened them up a bit and while they still don’t look great, they are better than they were. You can find this at GNC or Sally beauty supply stores. I’m sure Wal-Mart has it too. Wal-Mart has everything!
I’ve also struggled with sensitivity to band-aid adhesives. Once I pulled a bandaid off of an injured finger and the skin came off with it. A nurse introduced me to wipes called “Skin Prep” (can be found on Amazon.com). You wipe over the area of skin that will have tape on it, and the bandages and tape peel off very easily, leaving your skin irritation-free.
Be nice.
Keep in mind that you will see your doctor, nurses, and admin assistants a LOT. The experience is so much easier when you are nice. There have been times when I’ve had to wait a long time, especially at treatment. But treatment isn’t just walking into the cancer center and getting my drugs. They have to take my blood, send it to the hospital lab to ensure my counts are good enough to get chemo. After my blood work comes back, they fax the results to my oncologist across the street. He has to sign an “ok to treat” and send it back to the cancer center. So my appointment may be at 1:00, but actual “treatment” may not start until after 2:00. A lot of it is a waiting game, so you have to be patient. Cancer is the scariest, worst thing I’ve ever faced, but it doesn’t give me the right to be an asshole to anyone. The nicer I am, the better my experience is.
Be a warrior.
This may make you eye-roll, but I’m almost euphoric on chemo days. Before each treatment I say a prayer and ask God to bless the meds as they go into my body so they will kill the evil cancer. Then I ask Him to bless my body so it can accept all the meds. I try to go into each treatment (73 chemos and counting) with the attitude that it’s killing my cancer and that I will not let cancer take me. I think that my Christian faith has gotten me through this. Without God, I wouldn’t still be alive. I would either be dead, or want to be dead by now.
There are times when I have to make myself think positively, but I think that a good attitude goes a LONG way. You have to believe almost to the point of delusion that you are going to get better. I read all the stats from the American Cancer Society about stage iv breast cancer and they are not good. After reading it carefully, I threw that shit in the trash. No need to dwell on what could happen. I have to focus on what’s happening right now.
If your doctor is not encouraging enough, dump him/her. My oncologist has never told me I’m going to die, and he’s never given me the “You have _____ months to live…” speech, even when things were really bad. I don’t have an expiration date. God is in control and none of us is guaranteed tomorrow, no matter how healthy or careful we are.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Look Out, Victoria's Secret!
I’ve loved Victoria’s Secret bras for about 15 years. I never bought the frilly, fancy, lacey bras, just the practical “Body by Victoria” and t-shirt bras. When I got my diagnosis, I was worried about what kind of bras I would have to wear after surgery. I quickly learned I had every reason to worry. The ladies at the prosthesis office here in Bristol are wonderful, so this is not an insult to them. The actual bras are the problem. I was an average B cup, and I NEVER saw a regular B cup bra with more than two hooks. One of my mastectomy bras has FIVE hooks, no lie. Some of the bras also have huge seams in the middle of the cups that can be seen through shirts. These bras are very uncomfortable and not attractive.
Last October and the October before that, I wrote to Victoria’s Secret. I thought that by writing to them during Breast Cancer Awareness Month, it might get more attention. The first email I sent was to suggest that they make bras with “pockets” or panels in the cups. I think this is a very reasonable request because lots of women with A cup breasts like a little lift and extra volume. Bras that have pockets/panels in the cups would enable small women to insert extra padding. It could also accommodate women like me. Well, I got no response. I received an automated “we will get back to you within 24 hours with a response…” and nothing. This year, I tried again. Instead of making a suggestion, I just asked if they made bras with pockets/panels such as the “Miracle Bra,” which has a product description of “extra padding to provide lift…” In my email inquiry, I explained my situation, and I even suggested sewing cotton panels into my existing VS bras. I received a stiff, “sorry we don’t make surgical bras, but why not give our gel adhesives a try?” Um, gel adhesives? Really?
I’m not a master seamstress, but I’m going to pull out handheld Singer sewing tool and make my own mastectomy bras from my old VS bras. Then, I’m going to contact VS again, not to make a suggestion or ask them to help me, but to tell them to kiss my butt. Perhaps I’ll be able to give myself back the bras that I love and maybe even help another BC survivor that’s been through bra hell.
Last October and the October before that, I wrote to Victoria’s Secret. I thought that by writing to them during Breast Cancer Awareness Month, it might get more attention. The first email I sent was to suggest that they make bras with “pockets” or panels in the cups. I think this is a very reasonable request because lots of women with A cup breasts like a little lift and extra volume. Bras that have pockets/panels in the cups would enable small women to insert extra padding. It could also accommodate women like me. Well, I got no response. I received an automated “we will get back to you within 24 hours with a response…” and nothing. This year, I tried again. Instead of making a suggestion, I just asked if they made bras with pockets/panels such as the “Miracle Bra,” which has a product description of “extra padding to provide lift…” In my email inquiry, I explained my situation, and I even suggested sewing cotton panels into my existing VS bras. I received a stiff, “sorry we don’t make surgical bras, but why not give our gel adhesives a try?” Um, gel adhesives? Really?
I’m not a master seamstress, but I’m going to pull out handheld Singer sewing tool and make my own mastectomy bras from my old VS bras. Then, I’m going to contact VS again, not to make a suggestion or ask them to help me, but to tell them to kiss my butt. Perhaps I’ll be able to give myself back the bras that I love and maybe even help another BC survivor that’s been through bra hell.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Two Years Ago Today...
Two years ago today, I had the mastectomy. Some people mark their diagnosis date, but I was pretty numb that day. I wasn't even upset on my diagnosis day (10/19/09). Breast cancer research gets tons of funding, lots of female celebrities have battled it, and I love pink. I thought I would just have a mastectomy do the "cautionary" round of chemo, and be done. I remember thinking that it was almost trendy, and I'd be back to work two weeks after the surgery, no biggie. Boy, was I in for a surprise.
Before the surgery, I'd never been in the hospital. I'd been to the emergency room twice for stitches, and the sickest I'd ever been was with chicken pox when I was five. We had to be at the hospital at 5 AM. We got checked in and I had to get completely undressed. I was not happy - I couldn't even wear my underwear. When they finally wheeled me off to surgery, I kissed my husband and said a silent prayer that everything would go okay.
When I woke up, I felt really hung over. I couldn't see or feel anything on my chest. It was all bandaged and numb. Then I found a drainage tube that was stitched in to my underarm - another big surprise! And I had to go home with it and wear it for a week!! Gross. The longer I laid in my hospital bed, the more nauseated I got. They gave me crackers and ginger ale, but my mouth was so dry, the crackers turned to stone. Less than an hour later, I was throwing up non-stop. The surgeon ordered some anti-nausea meds and they decided to keep me overnight. My sister said my skin looked gray.
The next day, a volunteer for Reach for Recovery came to visit me. I had asked for a visit before my surgery because I was really ignorant about what I would need post-surgery. She was so nice and she had been through it as well, so she knew what she was talking about. She gave me a bag with all kinds of helpful items such as a tie on apron-like thing to hold my drain. She also gave me a make-shift prosthetic to tide me over until I could get to the breast prosthesis office. That visit was a real blessing for me.
Before we left the hospital, a nurse came in and showed John how he could help me change my gauze. She wasn't hateful, but not very warm either. She untied my gown and ripped off the old gauze before I could even protest. John saw the incision before I could even try to cover myself. He didn't even react. I don't know what was going through his mind, but I was humiliated. I'm not sure why. I can out-burp and out-fart him any day of the week. When I had my last wisdom tooth cut out, I threw up all over his new car. He's never acted grossed out or turned off by me, even when he had every right to feel that way, haha!
When we got home, I was still feeling a little weak and woozy. I was dying to take a shower, so John stood guard in case I started feeling like I might fall. In the shower, I had to tape the drain tube's little bag to my chest because I was afraid to let it hang. It was loosely stitched in, but I was scared it would fall out. I didn't realize how deep it was in until the surgeon pulled it out a week later. That really hurt!!
My journey was just beginning and I was scared, but so ignorant and naive. I really thought I had caught it in time, even though my leg had been hurting for a month. I just couldn't fathom how cancer in my right breast could have spread to my left leg. Besides, I had done everything right. I found the lump, I scheduled an appt with my OB/GYN, I went for the mammogram. So of course I had caught it in time.
Two years later, I know more about breast cancer than I ever wanted to know. Even though it's been a tough journey and it probably will always be challenging, I really like how it's changed my life. I'm closer to God than I ever was before. I don't take the little things too seriously anymore. I know what's important in life now, and I thank God every day for giving me another day. I wouldn't trade the past two years for anything.
Before the surgery, I'd never been in the hospital. I'd been to the emergency room twice for stitches, and the sickest I'd ever been was with chicken pox when I was five. We had to be at the hospital at 5 AM. We got checked in and I had to get completely undressed. I was not happy - I couldn't even wear my underwear. When they finally wheeled me off to surgery, I kissed my husband and said a silent prayer that everything would go okay.
When I woke up, I felt really hung over. I couldn't see or feel anything on my chest. It was all bandaged and numb. Then I found a drainage tube that was stitched in to my underarm - another big surprise! And I had to go home with it and wear it for a week!! Gross. The longer I laid in my hospital bed, the more nauseated I got. They gave me crackers and ginger ale, but my mouth was so dry, the crackers turned to stone. Less than an hour later, I was throwing up non-stop. The surgeon ordered some anti-nausea meds and they decided to keep me overnight. My sister said my skin looked gray.
The next day, a volunteer for Reach for Recovery came to visit me. I had asked for a visit before my surgery because I was really ignorant about what I would need post-surgery. She was so nice and she had been through it as well, so she knew what she was talking about. She gave me a bag with all kinds of helpful items such as a tie on apron-like thing to hold my drain. She also gave me a make-shift prosthetic to tide me over until I could get to the breast prosthesis office. That visit was a real blessing for me.
Before we left the hospital, a nurse came in and showed John how he could help me change my gauze. She wasn't hateful, but not very warm either. She untied my gown and ripped off the old gauze before I could even protest. John saw the incision before I could even try to cover myself. He didn't even react. I don't know what was going through his mind, but I was humiliated. I'm not sure why. I can out-burp and out-fart him any day of the week. When I had my last wisdom tooth cut out, I threw up all over his new car. He's never acted grossed out or turned off by me, even when he had every right to feel that way, haha!
When we got home, I was still feeling a little weak and woozy. I was dying to take a shower, so John stood guard in case I started feeling like I might fall. In the shower, I had to tape the drain tube's little bag to my chest because I was afraid to let it hang. It was loosely stitched in, but I was scared it would fall out. I didn't realize how deep it was in until the surgeon pulled it out a week later. That really hurt!!
My journey was just beginning and I was scared, but so ignorant and naive. I really thought I had caught it in time, even though my leg had been hurting for a month. I just couldn't fathom how cancer in my right breast could have spread to my left leg. Besides, I had done everything right. I found the lump, I scheduled an appt with my OB/GYN, I went for the mammogram. So of course I had caught it in time.
Two years later, I know more about breast cancer than I ever wanted to know. Even though it's been a tough journey and it probably will always be challenging, I really like how it's changed my life. I'm closer to God than I ever was before. I don't take the little things too seriously anymore. I know what's important in life now, and I thank God every day for giving me another day. I wouldn't trade the past two years for anything.
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