Two Years Ago Today...

Two years ago today, I had the mastectomy. Some people mark their diagnosis date, but I was pretty numb that day. I wasn't even upset on my diagnosis day (10/19/09). Breast cancer research gets tons of funding, lots of female celebrities have battled it, and I love pink. I thought I would just have a mastectomy do the "cautionary" round of chemo, and be done. I remember thinking that it was almost trendy, and I'd be back to work two weeks after the surgery, no biggie. Boy, was I in for a surprise.

Before the surgery, I'd never been in the hospital. I'd been to the emergency room twice for stitches, and the sickest I'd ever been was with chicken pox when I was five. We had to be at the hospital at 5 AM. We got checked in and I had to get completely undressed. I was not happy - I couldn't even wear my underwear. When they finally wheeled me off to surgery, I kissed my husband and said a silent prayer that everything would go okay.

When I woke up, I felt really hung over. I couldn't see or feel anything on my chest. It was all bandaged and numb. Then I found a drainage tube that was stitched in to my underarm - another big surprise! And I had to go home with it and wear it for a week!! Gross. The longer I laid in my hospital bed, the more nauseated I got. They gave me crackers and ginger ale, but my mouth was so dry, the crackers turned to stone. Less than an hour later, I was throwing up non-stop. The surgeon ordered some anti-nausea meds and they decided to keep me overnight. My sister said my skin looked gray.

The next day, a volunteer for Reach for Recovery came to visit me. I had asked for a visit before my surgery because I was really ignorant about what I would need post-surgery. She was so nice and she had been through it as well, so she knew what she was talking about. She gave me a bag with all kinds of helpful items such as a tie on apron-like thing to hold my drain. She also gave me a make-shift prosthetic to tide me over until I could get to the breast prosthesis office. That visit was a real blessing for me.

Before we left the hospital, a nurse came in and showed John how he could help me change my gauze. She wasn't hateful, but not very warm either. She untied my gown and ripped off the old gauze before I could even protest. John saw the incision before I could even try to cover myself. He didn't even react. I don't know what was going through his mind, but I was humiliated. I'm not sure why. I can out-burp and out-fart him any day of the week. When I had my last wisdom tooth cut out, I threw up all over his new car. He's never acted grossed out or turned off by me, even when he had every right to feel that way, haha!

When we got home, I was still feeling a little weak and woozy. I was dying to take a shower, so John stood guard in case I started feeling like I might fall. In the shower, I had to tape the drain tube's little bag to my chest because I was afraid to let it hang. It was loosely stitched in, but I was scared it would fall out. I didn't realize how deep it was in until the surgeon pulled it out a week later. That really hurt!!

My journey was just beginning and I was scared, but so ignorant and naive. I really thought I had caught it in time, even though my leg had been hurting for a month. I just couldn't fathom how cancer in my right breast could have spread to my left leg. Besides, I had done everything right. I found the lump, I scheduled an appt with my OB/GYN, I went for the mammogram. So of course I had caught it in time.

Two years later, I know more about breast cancer than I ever wanted to know. Even though it's been a tough journey and it probably will always be challenging, I really like how it's changed my life. I'm closer to God than I ever was before. I don't take the little things too seriously anymore. I know what's important in life now, and I thank God every day for giving me another day. I wouldn't trade the past two years for anything.